Better Than It Sounds
The Boneless Man
Corporate Love
Crackup
Department Of Her Ways
...Did You Calculate?
Doomed!
Erasable Mattress
Increments
The Invisible Song
Let Me Adjust Your Knobs
Meat & $, Inc.
N.O.I.G.T.A.T.Z.O.Y.A.
1,000,000 Eyes
Protrusions
Punk Rock Star
Reset Button
Saw The World In Half
Smile A Mile Wide
Sub-Sublime
Touching
X-Rayz
You're So Great
Your Drunk Wife
Better Than It Sounds the traffic isn't moving and the dogs are going crazy in the street there's been an accident involving a tanker full of helium and a tractor-trailer full of contaminated meat and the teenagers are taking off their clothes and maybe even falling in love and fighting off the chiggers in the crabgrass while the power lines are humming up above and the stupid sun shines down on the stupid town and the stupid buildings are all slowly falling down and the people run around until their buried in the ground and the businessman reads the business section and he's humphing at the fed's new interest rate while the coffee stain expands on the tablecloth and the gravy is congealing on his plate and he wonders if his daughter's still a virgin and he wonders why he's losing all his hair while the radiation seeps into his prostate from the power lines humming everywhere and the condensation drips onto the forehead of a mentally retarded homeless man from the cooling system of an investment banking firm that just made a million dollars on an inside trading scam and a woman walks by with a bruised thigh and a black eye and puts a dollar bill in his hand and she thinks back to the first time that she fell in love he was a drug-addicted drummer from a heavy metal band and the stupid sun shines down on the stupid town and the stupid buildings are all slowly falling down and the people run around until their buried in the ground it's a lot better than it sounds
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The Boneless Man it's hard to be healthy living on fingernails and coffee and it's like my daddy told me between bites of bologna make do with whatever you can and you can't break a boneless man here comes the boneless man he's gone soft again you're up there in your palace fixated on your palace and thinkin' your the man but you did not heed the warnings and now the philistines are swarming across your raped and ransacked lands
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Corporate Love now that i've made my fortune i spend all my time at the club i've got what others would kill for but it's not enough i feel like i'm drifting off of the green and into the rough i feel like i'm falling in corporate love designers and technicians obsess over every detail working hard to give me what i want they're customizing my genes with the logos of my favorite teams and serving me generous portions of corporate love hypersexual mermaids are pulling me out to sea telling me to relax and go with the flow they suck my fingertips with succulent collagen lips and whisper to me the secrets of corporate love
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Doomed! monsters were closing in from all angles snipers were shooting from several directions stukas were dive bombing troops were advancing my limited wits were my only defense earthquakes were making a joke of the richter scale bamboo was growing up under my fingernails boa constrictors were coiling around d me flesh-eating zombies were licking their lips i was doomed but now i'm safe and sound in your room
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Department Of Her Ways send out the snowplows send out the men in their bright yellow trucks she left without a map she skidded and she flipped and now her head is in her lap send out the tow trucks send out the men in their fluorescent orange vests i know they'll do their best and the good samaritans will do all that they can but i'm not going to work today in the department of her ways turn on the searchlights
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Crackup i'm a caveman that wants to go to the moon i'm a shaky handed man building a house of cards in the middle of a monsoon and if i don't see some results pretty soon i'm gonna crack up into little tiny pieces and float away i'm a tadpole making love to a whale i'm chasing after a top fuel dragster on the back of a snail i'm reaching out for the third rail ugly facts and undulating parameters put my status in flux i can see the future and it sucks seems like everything i do turns out wrong and even when i get it right it always seems to take too long and if it doesn't change by the end of this song...
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...Did You Calculate? call off your drug-sniffing dogs and i'll remove my skin from around their claws picasso couldn't draw the kind of shape i'm in i can't rationalize the behavior of miscreant jerks when you gave your word and wrote it in blood on your mother's grave and then you took it back did you calculate my response to that? now let's pretend for a moment that the roles in this farce are reversed you and your mom would be singing this song and i'd be the one in the hearse...
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Erasable Mattress a cup of coffee a piece of toast outside my window i see your ghost i thought you were a bathroom you thought i was a metronome now i've got my doubts so why don't you get your own a wedding gown a speck of lint i thought i loved you i guess i didn't you were generous patient courteous and kind and i was trying to pretend i wasn't bored out of my mind and now i wish i had an erasable mattress so no one would know that i slept with you i wish i had an erasable mattress you hate me and i do too
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Touching what's with all this touching? is some kind of lofty goal to tap into the sap where did all this emotion come oozing out of? is it a quick solution when you're running out of ideas is this being honest is this being plain the lowest common denominator the universal refrain over and over and over and over pounding into your brain the lowest common denominator the universal refrain
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Increments some people don't know what they want out of life so they fall in love instead with vultures and hyenas who'll only love them when they're dead just when you think your safe one falls on your head you can die all of a sudden or you can do it in increments instead a promise is a lie in a time-release pill the things you say you will never do you eventually will and the vultures and hyenas must be patient and be still for lovers don't leap off of cliffs they just slowly go downhill
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The Invisible Song pythagoras was a clever man wish i had his autograph you don't have to be good at math or even know how to sing we stand around and listen to bands with smoke in our nostrils and beer in our hands you might see us play this song but you can't see this song love is free supposedly but someone owns the melody and holds so warm and tenderly the royalty annoying sounds and putrid smells to this we subject ourselves you might see us play this song
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Let Me Adjust Your Knobs let me whisper in your ear love let me gaze into your eyes there's nothing i would change about you except your texture shape and size almost perfects almost special almost the most almost almost oh baby please don't call the cops i just wanna adjust your knobs trust me in know what i;m doing now i'm not trying to do your job i just wanna adjust your knobs and i'm sure i'll be swooning with a little fine tuning now i'm not saying that i'm perfect that i don't need adjusting too but you let me get away with this maybe that's why i despise you and when i finally except you when i finally give up there'll be no sex left in our kisses only dogged worn out love
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Meat & $, Inc. meat and money went out drinkin' meat said to money you know i been thinkin' about the good in this world and about the bad and i guess what i'm sayin' is i'm really glad there's not a single thing in this world that you cannot buy with your bald eagle and your masonic eye money said to meat ain't that the truth not come over here and let me eat you meat and money went out to dinner money said to meat man you're looking thinner and he said yeah i could use a rest but i never get the chance what with hosting all these golf tournaments and grand-opening s of internment camps it seems the less that people have the more they're will to bet and it seems the worse that things become the more ways there a are to forget the only good thing about the past is that it's over and the only good thing about the future is that it hasn't happened yet meat said to money while chewin' on his own leg you know i've still got my pride and i don't like to beg but if you loaned me a bank or two i wouldn't complain too much i'd just finish chewin' my leg off and go buy a golden crutch' and then i'd get the hell away from you as fast as i could get cuz every time i hang around with you i wind up in debt the only good thing about the past is that it's over and the only good thing about the future is that it hasn't happened yet oh my god here come the end of the world with a meg of ram a processed ham and a pack of cigarettes the only good thing about the past is that it's over and the only good thing about the future is that it hasn't happened yet
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1,000,000 Eyes less a man more a jelly fish on land here i am drinking syrupy liquid from an aluminum can pacified classified freeze dried satisfied working hard to convince myself that i'm satisfied i am expanding at an alarming rate eating all these delicious lies very soon there will be nothing left of me but an armless legless quivering mass with a million eyes
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N.O.I.G.T.A.T.Z.O.Y.A. the pointlessly happy contestants are bouncing off the studio walls they are so happy to be here they don't remember how they got there at all they are indulging in a new kind of prayer they are clean, fragrant and free they get what they want when they want it or at least a reasonable facsimile no one is going to airbrush the zits off your ass the pointlessly happy newscaster wears a custom tailored suit he is courteous and professional he is respectful of minority groups he manifests emotions spanning the gamut from a to b he has dreams and ambitions billboards of himself as far as the eye can see the pointlessly happy employee purchases a helpful device manufactured by a 12 year old chinese girl it didn't even earn her a bowl of rice he presses a series of buttons and sends a message to his superior and daydreams about fucking a chinese girl while simultaneously envisioning a frozen dinner
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Protrusions i try to fit in but i've got these protrusions blocking my way i try to be nice but sometimes my protrusions rub you the wrong way if i asked you nicely would you would you if i asked you nicely would you... feel my protrusions feel them every day feel my protrusions rub you the wrong way i went to the surgeon to see about having these protrusions removed he said my protrusions were far to pronounced and there was nothing he could do he said they're growing in just as far as they are protruding out and if i removed them there wouldn't be very much of you left if i asked you nicely would you would you if i asked you nicely would you... feel my protrusions feel them with your mind i'll feel your protrusions if you'll feel mine feel my protrusions feel them every day feel my protrusions rub you the wrong way
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Punk Rock Star everyone will remember you for at least a day or two all those great things that you used to do you grunt and sweat and smear your excrement on everyone and everything but mostly on you no need to act so tough the buzzards will be here soon enough and take the best of what is left now you can rest you pant and paw and prick all teeth and fist and dick disgusting and destroying but i'd rather be boring than annoying
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Sub-Sublime we are both in this together we are both risking our lives poking at a poison sack with plastic knives and i panic at the earliest sign that the littlest thing is less than fine and the joyride turns into an uphill climb and the sensation is sub-sublime we are both in this apart we are both out of our minds we are both of us waiting for the other to arrive all it takes is a little effort all it takes is a little time to see the flaws in even the most beautiful design we are both in this together we are both risking our lives poking at a poison sack with plastic knives
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Reset Button form follows function down at genitalia junction and the trains go in the tunnels but there's a problem with the signal and the tunnel fills with smoke and she's having second thoughts and he's having half the fun and there are some things that you should keep to yourself boredom follows fun in the sanitarium where the lovers all get sent and they put up no argument and they make a lover's pledge like lemmings rushing to the ledge and if they hesitate just give em a little push the brightest minds and the kindest hearts try to align interlocking parts but everybody's working from a different set of instructions and i'm looking for the reset button oh those volatile fluids and the urges they encourage set the coolest heads on fire and make the nicest guy a liar so don't believe a thing they tell ya when it comes to genitalia there are some things that you should keep to yourself so one follows the other as they hypnotize each other and they call each other lover and they hover and they smother and they make a lover's pledge like lemmings rushing to the ledge and if they hesitate just give em a little push the sweetest lips and the strongest hands manipulate one another's glands is this love or just a reproduction? somebody hit the reset button
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Saw The World In Half i made a plan i held a chisel in my hand surveyed the land i saw the boundaries expand i had the nerve i felt adrenalin surge i didn't swerve a right angle to the curve the brittle crust fell away and turned to dust we saw the core it had never been seen before it pulled apart the seismic waves were off the chart we broke its heart or was it that way from the start? i saw the world i saw the world in half the wide abyss unnoticed by the populace i laughed at this how could such a thing persist? a gender split they were already used to it i must admit it was hard to give a shit
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Smile A Mile Wide you and me sitting in a tree a-r-g-u-i-n-g this is the part where you probably start to cry confusing the issues and using up tissues words misused gestures misconstrued and then you pretend with a smile a mile wide the things that come out of your smile a mile wide should have been left on the inside and the things that come out of your smile a while mind should have been left by the roadside you and me driving in a car e-r-r-o-r i swear i don't know why i even try and you know full well what i'm driving towards but you roll up the windows and lock all the doors and then you pretend with a smile a mile wide
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X-Rayz step into my office and take off all your clothes the hidden factors that define you my radiation will expose i won't make a diagnosis i'm not looking for a cure if you want someone to make you feel better you should see a doctor i'm taking x-rays of you and filing them away i'm zooming in on you and you alone on my screen i see your luminescent bones you want some attention you want me to get close you want some attention i'll give you a lethal dose
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You're So Great you deserve a round of applause but i don't know if i can lift my arms let alone smack my hands together for you and how can you expect me to move when even the air has mass and weight and i'm so weak and i just think that you're so great you deserve the best of everything but i don't know if i can lift my arms to hand it all lovingly and graciously to you and how can you expect me to move when even the air has mass and weight and i'm so weak and i just think that you're so great you deserve a pat on the back you're choking buy i just can't lift my arms you think its a joke but i'm not laughing
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Your Drunk Wife i want to spend the rest of my life with your drunk wife she's glowing like a neon liquor sign on a monday night she looks so beautiful and happy she tied a knot she can't get loose inebriation makes a good excuse she looks so beautiful and happy with all that alcohol in side her body who wouldn't be? and it will never ever ever end and it will never ever ever be over and we will never ever ever ever ever ever be sober
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